Attempt I.
Alright. Here's an essay I wrote 2 months ago. But I only received my book back today from that Ms. Vimala. Ish. Idk why she needs to keep it for so long. I think she went and bury all our books in her backyard last 2 months. And dug it out all of a sudden today and return it to us. Some sort of ritual process to let our books rot and stink. Lol. Blame her, I miss Micah! Wee. And before she hand us our books, she began to comment on our essay pieces. "All of you made alot of silly mistakes. Especially your tenses." And later on she said, "Some of you even wrote that Lisa was some kind of psychotic girl who killed her parents or grandparents!" And Sue Wen was like looking at me and we were laughing like mad. Lol. Read and you'll understand. =x Well, here goes the title: Write an essay beginning with the sentence ' The moment I saw Lisa, I began to dislike her'. And there goes my essay. Enjoy reading! Act like it's interesting even if it's boring. Psst.. It's five pages long. So panjang for SPM. :D
'The moment I saw Lisa, I began to dislike her,' my heart cried out. That was what I wanted to answer Micah, instead, I started complimenting her, telling Micah things that he would like to hear about Lisa and things that would make Lisa flatter. Leaning on the bookshelf in our school library, I was talking to Micah about the new-transfer student from America. Micah and I were kindergarten buddies and we share most of our problems and difficulties. He is like my brother most of the time. Micah and I grew up in the Beryl's Barn in the countrysides of Australia. I could still remember the breath-taking sight of the green meadows scattered with fat, healthy cows, surrounded with thick bushes and wild flowers under the bluish sky. It was so beautiful that I would climb up the hills with Micah simply to express our gratitude to mother nature. We would play hopscotch up till dinnertime. It was fun then. 'How I missed those days,' I whispered to myself and let out a sigh.
There was a pat on my shoulder as I was reminiscing the past. It startled me. 'My, Jas Min, you are already in your own world aren't you?,' Micah said. I gave him a wide smile and continued to answer his question. Micah was intrigued into knowing the new girl in my class and wanted to be friends with her. Everybody wants to know her. Even her name, Lisa, is already widely spread around the school. She has a face of a goddess, eyes as large as olives, dark, long eyelashes that only most Indians have, full-red lips and long, straight auburn hair that is tied into a low ponytail. Boys will be chasing to have her out while girls will be jealous to see her mingle with the most famous boys in school. In fact, I was once one of those girls. She has an hourglass-figure. Small waist and long, toned legs. She has every feature a girl wants to have. Obviously, she is from America after all. As she took her first step into my class, she was so beautiful that she made the whole class's jaw drop. Despite her beauty, at one look, she made me feel very uncomfortable. It was as if her face gave me an expression of a vicious woman. A devil with the looks of an angel. Lisa wore a neon pink sleeveless top, with a plunging V-neckline, that seemed to revealing. She paired it with a micro-mini denim skirt and wore a four-inched heels that made her extremely tall to look at. Her attire was just too skimpy and inappropriate for high school. After that, she became everyone's favourite including the male teachers. 'Micah, are you interested in her?,' I asked with a grin. His cheeks grew red and he answered shyly, 'No'. I let out a giggle and continue to tell Micah about Lisa. Until the bell rang, indicating that recess is over, we made an arrangement to meet at the Starbuck's Café just a stone's throw away from the school. ( It was until here where I stopped writing at school and continued the rest at home, go on reading! )
I took a glance of my watch. It was exactly 3.00 p.m. Quickly, I packed my bag and head straight to my locker to keep my textbooks. Then, I went to the Starbuck's Café situated a block away from school. As usual, Starbuck's is always packed. There were people who will anxiously wait and queue to make their order, there were people who are trying to get a seat, there were people who are busy scribbling notes and checking their mails while they are on the phone and there are also people who just wants to have their cup of coffee to kick-start their day. 'Min!,' a familiar call that I heard from behind. It was Micah. I was relieved as he had already reserved a table for us. I was delighted to see my Caramel Macchiato on the table. In return, I gave Micah a slice of cheese cake that mum baked. We continue to talk about Lisa. Micah wanted to know every detail about Lisa's interests and hobbies. Even though I wasn't really close to Lisa, it was easy to know the things that she's fond of. Lisa loves shopping for branded products and she is a big fan of the cheerleading squad. It seems that she might be chosen to be head cheerleader this semester. Lisa is rather quiet but suspicious. She is always missing when it comes to Physical Education classes. Somehow, another boy will be missing the class with her too.
'Mentioning about Physical Education, we still have not hand in our reports, don't we?,' Micah asked. 'Yikes! I've nearly forgotten!'. Micah smiled and drew out his Sony Vaio laptop from his hard-protective laptop case. 'I see you're well prepared my friend,' I teased him. We began to find information for the assignment. After an hour of researching, I began to realize that Micah was already sleepy. His eyelids were barely open as if it was too heavy. He was leaning at the back of the chair, drooling. Then, he started snoring. It was so funny that I laughed so hard at him. I decided to continue researching while Micah sleeps. As I was browsing through the local news website, there was this article that caught my attention. It's headlines were: Beauty as the Beast. It tells about a horrendous murder case that happened in Las Vegas. It happened on the 13th of March. Even the date started to give me the creeps as it resembles the popular horror movie, Friday the 13th. I continued reading. There was this beautiful lady, aged between 16-20, living with her family and grandparents in a gigantic mansion. It seems that her parents were workaholics and owned a huge fortune as they have amples of real estates. As she was the only daughter, she lived with her grandparents and can only see her parents on special occasions, like Christmas. Growing up with this lifestyle until she became a young adult, people say she had suffered from much depression and stress. She'd scream in the middle of the school hall just to attract attention. Until one day, her grandparents were found murdered in a terrible way. Their eyeballs were removed with a fork on it, and their lips were stitched with her grandmother's knitting thread and their face were full of deep scars with blood oozing out endlessly. Their necks were slit, and so were their wrists and ankles. Her grandparents were both naked and their chests were cut into a Y-incision, revealing their internal organs. It was as if they were undergoing post-mortem. I was frightened as I continue to read the article. Police were still investigating and that the prime-suspect was their grandchildren itself. As I scroll down the page, I began to see a picture of a beautiful girl who looks very familiar. I kept myself thinking about that familiar face that I have seen before, somewhere, someday.
'Goodness gracious!,' I roared. Everyone turned their heads and looked at me. Even Micah woke up from his sleep. 'What's the matter Min? Is everything alright? You look as pale as a ghost. Your face is as white as paper. Are you okay?,' Micah asked with a worried face. I was muted and I point to the monitor screen. He somehow understood and he began scanning the page with a frown. 'Look at the picture!,' I ordered. His eyes grew bigger and the frown on his forehead disappeared. 'Is...is...thi...this...Lisa?,' he was trembling as he mumbled. I answer him with a nod. Both our eyes were connected for a moment, as if we were reading each other's minds. Spontaneously, he took the laptop and we left the café and head towards our school main entrance. We rushed into the principal's office and showed him the laptop. The principal clears his throat. 'Both of you aren't suppose to barge in all of a sudden like that right? Don't you know how to knock on the door at least?,' the old principal grumbles as he calmly wipes away the fog on his spectacles. 'Read!,' the both of us said simultaneously. He began to read and after he did, he was still calm. An unsatisfied 'So?' came out from his mouth. We got fed up and explained to the principal. 'Right, let me deal with this. The both of you shall remain silent on this matter. It's late already, go home,' the principal murmured. Micah and I were like robotics at that moment. We nod our heads and marched our way towards the exit. We walked ourselves back home without saying a word. Not even 'bye'.
The next morning, I got up from bed early and looked into the mirror as I brush my teeth. 'What is the principal going to do?,' I asked myself. 'Is it really Lisa?,' I added. Quickly, I gargled water and spit it out. Changed into my polo T-shirt and a pair of jeans and slip on a pair of sneakers and head straight to school. As I was walking, several patrol cars could be seen surrounding the school compound. My heart raced. I ran with all my might and went to see what happened. There were policemen everywhere. Circling the school carrying weapons, all ready to fire if anything happens. Suddenly, I saw a group of people coming out of the main entrance like a herd of sheeps. There were many cameras and people reaching out microphones to a lady. I tip-toed to catch a glimpse of the lady. She had long, straight, auburn-coloured hair, tied in a low ponytail. 'Lisa!' my heart cried out. She was handcuffed and was led into one of the patrol cars, heading to the police headquarters. A few minutes later, I saw Micah and caught up with him in the library again. 'Oh my, I didn't expect that she...,' Micah couldn't finish his sentence. 'Commit a murder?,' I replied. Micah gave a faint smile. Out of the sudden, he gave me a hug and said, 'My good old Min, if it weren't for you, we all wouldn't have known'. I smiled in return.
A week later, our principal announced in the school assembly that Lisa was actually the murderer of her grandparents and also a fugitive who escaped from America to Australia. He also mentioned that Lisa us diagnosed with an incurable disease, due to depression and stress. As a result, Lisa is currently receiving treatment from a rehabilitation centre until she is certified completely healed. As from today onwards, the boys no longer talk about ways trying to steal Lisa's attention and the girls are no longer jealous as they now have got chances to seduce the famous boys again. 'Ahh, it's all back to normal,' I said to Micah. Micah put his arm on my shoulder and give a wide smile,'Up for some Caramel Macchiato?'. Similarly, I place my left arm on his shoulder. 'I don't think we have completed our Physical Education report yet!'. We both laughed merrily and head back to Starbuck's. This is a memorable experience I could never forget.
VOILA! THE END. Lol. Apamaciam? Erm. Here's how i did it. On that day, I remebered I had two free periods of English for Science and Technology (EST), I start off my essay. And as I mentioned somewhere in my essay above, I blindly, blurly, without-any-idea poured out everything that came across my mind, until where I stopped. And I realise that cows and meadows and auburn-hairs isn't really relevant to the topic. I got somehow lost. LMAO. And initially, I wanted Lisa to get into drugs or cigarettes. I guessed it turned out far more than that. Lol. From drugs to cigarettes I began to think of gangsters, and from gangsters there comes action-packed movies and from there came CSI. Lolololololol. See how I expand it? And from CSI there came murders and stuff. Then the Y-incision and post-mortem. And there I-MISS-GRISSOM-OH-SO-DEARLY! Darn. Too much of CSI. After school, I came home and held out my essay book, grab a pen and started "brainstorming". The whole essay turned out to be so long and it took me a freaking 2 hours and a freaking 45 minutes. This is what I call, CHIII KEK! Hehe. Anyway, honestly, eversince I wrote this essay, I am now obsessed with essays. I read other's and I want to write to improve! I seriously suck at essays. But now I think I can improve if I'm willing to try! So this essay was my first-ever-attempt of 2008. I ain't boasting or b.itching though. I just post it up here to get you readers to read, obviously, and to comment about it! This essay was copied exactly 100% from what I wrote without alterations. So, please point out my mistakes. Grammatical, sentence structural mistakes, vocabulary, anything. Any errors. Please help me so I can improve yeah? I accept all comments and do send it to me by mail, jmng_134679@hotmail.com. Ty ppl! Your comments means alot to me! HELP ME IMPROVE IN WRITING! Though this is a sucky one. Lol. The plot of the story and it's contents and elaborations are 100% from my BRAINS! I ain't smart enough to fork out some story elsewhere similarly to this topic. d:
Oh and by the way, Micah is my favourite name. *hushhhh*
'The moment I saw Lisa, I began to dislike her,' my heart cried out. That was what I wanted to answer Micah, instead, I started complimenting her, telling Micah things that he would like to hear about Lisa and things that would make Lisa flatter. Leaning on the bookshelf in our school library, I was talking to Micah about the new-transfer student from America. Micah and I were kindergarten buddies and we share most of our problems and difficulties. He is like my brother most of the time. Micah and I grew up in the Beryl's Barn in the countrysides of Australia. I could still remember the breath-taking sight of the green meadows scattered with fat, healthy cows, surrounded with thick bushes and wild flowers under the bluish sky. It was so beautiful that I would climb up the hills with Micah simply to express our gratitude to mother nature. We would play hopscotch up till dinnertime. It was fun then. 'How I missed those days,' I whispered to myself and let out a sigh.
There was a pat on my shoulder as I was reminiscing the past. It startled me. 'My, Jas Min, you are already in your own world aren't you?,' Micah said. I gave him a wide smile and continued to answer his question. Micah was intrigued into knowing the new girl in my class and wanted to be friends with her. Everybody wants to know her. Even her name, Lisa, is already widely spread around the school. She has a face of a goddess, eyes as large as olives, dark, long eyelashes that only most Indians have, full-red lips and long, straight auburn hair that is tied into a low ponytail. Boys will be chasing to have her out while girls will be jealous to see her mingle with the most famous boys in school. In fact, I was once one of those girls. She has an hourglass-figure. Small waist and long, toned legs. She has every feature a girl wants to have. Obviously, she is from America after all. As she took her first step into my class, she was so beautiful that she made the whole class's jaw drop. Despite her beauty, at one look, she made me feel very uncomfortable. It was as if her face gave me an expression of a vicious woman. A devil with the looks of an angel. Lisa wore a neon pink sleeveless top, with a plunging V-neckline, that seemed to revealing. She paired it with a micro-mini denim skirt and wore a four-inched heels that made her extremely tall to look at. Her attire was just too skimpy and inappropriate for high school. After that, she became everyone's favourite including the male teachers. 'Micah, are you interested in her?,' I asked with a grin. His cheeks grew red and he answered shyly, 'No'. I let out a giggle and continue to tell Micah about Lisa. Until the bell rang, indicating that recess is over, we made an arrangement to meet at the Starbuck's Café just a stone's throw away from the school. ( It was until here where I stopped writing at school and continued the rest at home, go on reading! )
I took a glance of my watch. It was exactly 3.00 p.m. Quickly, I packed my bag and head straight to my locker to keep my textbooks. Then, I went to the Starbuck's Café situated a block away from school. As usual, Starbuck's is always packed. There were people who will anxiously wait and queue to make their order, there were people who are trying to get a seat, there were people who are busy scribbling notes and checking their mails while they are on the phone and there are also people who just wants to have their cup of coffee to kick-start their day. 'Min!,' a familiar call that I heard from behind. It was Micah. I was relieved as he had already reserved a table for us. I was delighted to see my Caramel Macchiato on the table. In return, I gave Micah a slice of cheese cake that mum baked. We continue to talk about Lisa. Micah wanted to know every detail about Lisa's interests and hobbies. Even though I wasn't really close to Lisa, it was easy to know the things that she's fond of. Lisa loves shopping for branded products and she is a big fan of the cheerleading squad. It seems that she might be chosen to be head cheerleader this semester. Lisa is rather quiet but suspicious. She is always missing when it comes to Physical Education classes. Somehow, another boy will be missing the class with her too.
'Mentioning about Physical Education, we still have not hand in our reports, don't we?,' Micah asked. 'Yikes! I've nearly forgotten!'. Micah smiled and drew out his Sony Vaio laptop from his hard-protective laptop case. 'I see you're well prepared my friend,' I teased him. We began to find information for the assignment. After an hour of researching, I began to realize that Micah was already sleepy. His eyelids were barely open as if it was too heavy. He was leaning at the back of the chair, drooling. Then, he started snoring. It was so funny that I laughed so hard at him. I decided to continue researching while Micah sleeps. As I was browsing through the local news website, there was this article that caught my attention. It's headlines were: Beauty as the Beast. It tells about a horrendous murder case that happened in Las Vegas. It happened on the 13th of March. Even the date started to give me the creeps as it resembles the popular horror movie, Friday the 13th. I continued reading. There was this beautiful lady, aged between 16-20, living with her family and grandparents in a gigantic mansion. It seems that her parents were workaholics and owned a huge fortune as they have amples of real estates. As she was the only daughter, she lived with her grandparents and can only see her parents on special occasions, like Christmas. Growing up with this lifestyle until she became a young adult, people say she had suffered from much depression and stress. She'd scream in the middle of the school hall just to attract attention. Until one day, her grandparents were found murdered in a terrible way. Their eyeballs were removed with a fork on it, and their lips were stitched with her grandmother's knitting thread and their face were full of deep scars with blood oozing out endlessly. Their necks were slit, and so were their wrists and ankles. Her grandparents were both naked and their chests were cut into a Y-incision, revealing their internal organs. It was as if they were undergoing post-mortem. I was frightened as I continue to read the article. Police were still investigating and that the prime-suspect was their grandchildren itself. As I scroll down the page, I began to see a picture of a beautiful girl who looks very familiar. I kept myself thinking about that familiar face that I have seen before, somewhere, someday.
'Goodness gracious!,' I roared. Everyone turned their heads and looked at me. Even Micah woke up from his sleep. 'What's the matter Min? Is everything alright? You look as pale as a ghost. Your face is as white as paper. Are you okay?,' Micah asked with a worried face. I was muted and I point to the monitor screen. He somehow understood and he began scanning the page with a frown. 'Look at the picture!,' I ordered. His eyes grew bigger and the frown on his forehead disappeared. 'Is...is...thi...this...Lisa?,' he was trembling as he mumbled. I answer him with a nod. Both our eyes were connected for a moment, as if we were reading each other's minds. Spontaneously, he took the laptop and we left the café and head towards our school main entrance. We rushed into the principal's office and showed him the laptop. The principal clears his throat. 'Both of you aren't suppose to barge in all of a sudden like that right? Don't you know how to knock on the door at least?,' the old principal grumbles as he calmly wipes away the fog on his spectacles. 'Read!,' the both of us said simultaneously. He began to read and after he did, he was still calm. An unsatisfied 'So?' came out from his mouth. We got fed up and explained to the principal. 'Right, let me deal with this. The both of you shall remain silent on this matter. It's late already, go home,' the principal murmured. Micah and I were like robotics at that moment. We nod our heads and marched our way towards the exit. We walked ourselves back home without saying a word. Not even 'bye'.
The next morning, I got up from bed early and looked into the mirror as I brush my teeth. 'What is the principal going to do?,' I asked myself. 'Is it really Lisa?,' I added. Quickly, I gargled water and spit it out. Changed into my polo T-shirt and a pair of jeans and slip on a pair of sneakers and head straight to school. As I was walking, several patrol cars could be seen surrounding the school compound. My heart raced. I ran with all my might and went to see what happened. There were policemen everywhere. Circling the school carrying weapons, all ready to fire if anything happens. Suddenly, I saw a group of people coming out of the main entrance like a herd of sheeps. There were many cameras and people reaching out microphones to a lady. I tip-toed to catch a glimpse of the lady. She had long, straight, auburn-coloured hair, tied in a low ponytail. 'Lisa!' my heart cried out. She was handcuffed and was led into one of the patrol cars, heading to the police headquarters. A few minutes later, I saw Micah and caught up with him in the library again. 'Oh my, I didn't expect that she...,' Micah couldn't finish his sentence. 'Commit a murder?,' I replied. Micah gave a faint smile. Out of the sudden, he gave me a hug and said, 'My good old Min, if it weren't for you, we all wouldn't have known'. I smiled in return.
A week later, our principal announced in the school assembly that Lisa was actually the murderer of her grandparents and also a fugitive who escaped from America to Australia. He also mentioned that Lisa us diagnosed with an incurable disease, due to depression and stress. As a result, Lisa is currently receiving treatment from a rehabilitation centre until she is certified completely healed. As from today onwards, the boys no longer talk about ways trying to steal Lisa's attention and the girls are no longer jealous as they now have got chances to seduce the famous boys again. 'Ahh, it's all back to normal,' I said to Micah. Micah put his arm on my shoulder and give a wide smile,'Up for some Caramel Macchiato?'. Similarly, I place my left arm on his shoulder. 'I don't think we have completed our Physical Education report yet!'. We both laughed merrily and head back to Starbuck's. This is a memorable experience I could never forget.
VOILA! THE END. Lol. Apamaciam? Erm. Here's how i did it. On that day, I remebered I had two free periods of English for Science and Technology (EST), I start off my essay. And as I mentioned somewhere in my essay above, I blindly, blurly, without-any-idea poured out everything that came across my mind, until where I stopped. And I realise that cows and meadows and auburn-hairs isn't really relevant to the topic. I got somehow lost. LMAO. And initially, I wanted Lisa to get into drugs or cigarettes. I guessed it turned out far more than that. Lol. From drugs to cigarettes I began to think of gangsters, and from gangsters there comes action-packed movies and from there came CSI. Lolololololol. See how I expand it? And from CSI there came murders and stuff. Then the Y-incision and post-mortem. And there I-MISS-GRISSOM-OH-SO-DEARLY! Darn. Too much of CSI. After school, I came home and held out my essay book, grab a pen and started "brainstorming". The whole essay turned out to be so long and it took me a freaking 2 hours and a freaking 45 minutes. This is what I call, CHIII KEK! Hehe. Anyway, honestly, eversince I wrote this essay, I am now obsessed with essays. I read other's and I want to write to improve! I seriously suck at essays. But now I think I can improve if I'm willing to try! So this essay was my first-ever-attempt of 2008. I ain't boasting or b.itching though. I just post it up here to get you readers to read, obviously, and to comment about it! This essay was copied exactly 100% from what I wrote without alterations. So, please point out my mistakes. Grammatical, sentence structural mistakes, vocabulary, anything. Any errors. Please help me so I can improve yeah? I accept all comments and do send it to me by mail, jmng_134679@hotmail.com. Ty ppl! Your comments means alot to me! HELP ME IMPROVE IN WRITING! Though this is a sucky one. Lol. The plot of the story and it's contents and elaborations are 100% from my BRAINS! I ain't smart enough to fork out some story elsewhere similarly to this topic. d:
Oh and by the way, Micah is my favourite name. *hushhhh*
Labels: Achievements., Laughters and grins.
posted by Jas Min at
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